Leaving, England, family, eggheads, quality tea & xbox behind..

DANNY AND JESS' CANADA TRIP UP TO YET

DAY 1

The flight over to Canada was rather uneventful, it finally hit me what we were actually doing just over greenland.We watched numerous terrible movies on the tv's infront of us. All of which left us feeling very restless. We went through customs with no problems at all!
Alot better than expected. And came out of arrivlas to look for Agnes. A few people smiled at us but we had no idea whatsoever of what she looked like. Eventually she came over to us and said hello, we had found each other!! : ) We took a ride back to her place in her red pontiac, it took about 30 minutes. We arrived feeling absolutely worn out! it was quite hard to make conversation we were sooo tired but we lasted until about 8pm then we went to bed and fell straight asleep :)

DAY 2 - Calgary Agnes had kindly planned some stuff for us to do and got maps and bus tickets sorted for us :) she also made us a lovely big breakfast! :) after leaving for work, we also set off on our walk into town. The roads are so big and confusing but it was really fun seeing things so different. It took us about 3 hours to walk there!! but it was nice having exercise after our long plane journey. We discovered that hardly anywhere in canada does tea! they mostly only have some sort or orange tea but we quite like it now. we went up calgary tower, which was fantastic, and we could see all the planes coming in to land, and there was a glass floor to stand on which made us feel funny! after walking round the city for a bit, and buying dan a helmet! we were really tired and decided to get the bus back. agnes made us an amazing dinner, we had steak, HUUUGE garlic bread, mushrooms and onions, carrots, and a jacket potato. we both ate it all! :) we wished we could stop in calgary for longer, but we didnt know about agnes when we booked our bus tickets, so we had another early start tomorrow :(

Day 3 - Bus journey and arrival in Rossland Agnes kindly dropped us off at the station, and we were sad to say goodbye! she had made us our breakfast and packed lunch for us too :) we got the front seats on the bus, so we could see everything :) there were no seatbelts though :'( the ride was sooo interesting, and the best part being british columbia :) it is so pretty, and we saw whole herds of elk and big horn sheep in the road (they werent dead in the road!.) We also saw some suicidal christmas trees that threw themselves under our bus, not wanting to live in a world without christmas! we chatted to the bus driver who we think was bill bryson..(was also called bill, so maybe hes writing a new book or something), and we were heartbroken when he was replaced with doug. We stopped off in Fernie for a bit, then in Creston and finally in Castelgar at the greyhound station, which has to be the most depressing place on earth. We tried to ring taxi companys but to no avail, as we still didnt have a ride from Trail to Rossland. We waited in Castlegar for one hour 30 minutes then took a small mini bus/van to Trail. Where we managed to land on our feet because it turned out that the ONLY taxi driver in TRail had to pick something up from our greyhound bus so he was there when we got there! he had to nip some vital organs to the hospital then popped back with string in hand for the board bag and packed us into his murderously smelling car! He was a bit creepy but then it turned out his mother was born in Nottingham so we overlooked it. we finally arrived at the hostel very tired!

Day 4 - Job Hunting We woke up and had a lovely walk up to the ski hill feeling very positive about the day ahead of us. It was really crisp and nice. We walked along a trial which went through the snow covered forest, taking about an hour and a half. We had a look at the lifts and the super steep last run into the lift area which looks soo cool. We then went over to where jess had previously emailed to see if there were any vacancies.. Went in to see 'Val' who asked about work visas etc, before saying that there werent really many hours BUT she is renting a place so maybe we could work something out. sounds quite good we thought as we went to have a look around the flat. it didnt seem as good when she said that it was a thousand dollars a month for the tiny place! but if we took it she might give us a few hours, me doing waitressing, dan doing anything from 'shovelling snow or picking up garbage'', but she could only pay us $800 a month between us, so we have to work for nothing and pay her $200 a month rent for the priveledge! thanks val! oh and we're also not allowed to make noise or have people over if we take the place, as its next to a restaurant. what a fair deal for $1000 a month...safe to say we left that. we then hitched back to rossland with a nice girl who drove too fast for dans liking. Dan and Jess' visit to Angela... We finally built up enough courage to pop round to Angelas to say hello and introduce ourselves. Little did we know what the hell we were letting ourselves in for. We walked up the path laden with cat memorabilia to knock on her door, which opened instantly by a short, almost witch like woman with short spiky grey hair with a 'wild' streak of purple at the front...Think julie walters in mamma mia crossed with the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang...

''AHHHHHH..... DAN I PRESUME!?' Errm yes...Hello. ''COME ON IN COME ON IN I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUU...!!!''
OH dear.
To try and explain to you just how crackers this women is would be impossible. but we will do our best. What was supposed to be a quick 'hello' quickly turned into her making us take off all our winter clothes, putting them in a cupboard and then making Jess put on large plastic slippers. We were then told to sit down where she started making an 'action plan' for us, ie. writing down lots of strange words such as 'wwoofers' (?) and 'cafe boots. Angela needed a drink then so swaggered over to the outhouse to get cider while counting down loudly from 10 in case we changed our minds. when she returned, she proceeded to talk to us about her (what we think is imaginary) 'team' of workers. She wrote down these names as follows:

HAMISH (New Zealand)
NEESON (Computers)
DAN -----------------
MARTINA ( doesnt really ever show up)
Hilary (Inside worker)
Jess (Inside worker)

After rufusing our next round of ciders..and all excuses failed about why we couldnt start work immediately (we had to set up our bank account, but angela doesnt believe in banks) We were then asked to pop around the corner to see where the brooms lay... and oh yes, they were certainly there.
Then to our almost horror she said

'hey Dan why dont you and Jess just pop down to the basement to fetch out some washing from the dryer..while i go and do something over here'.

So we nervously headed down the creepy stairs to the cellar where we expected her to lock the door and push us in an oven, Hansel and Gretal style... but we went down, found four identical cats, and inspected the dryer, which was empty anyway!! The indentical cats (like from 'meet the parents') all starting rushing around in a mad panic ( and i emphasize the word MAD) We turned on a light and waited for her to come...
Our 'TRAINING' had begun..

Our first mental job was to get some imaginary creases out of a Huge carpet across the kitchen covered in furniture.. we checked all the windows to see how we could escape, before hearing angelas footsteps...we then scrabbled around as fast as we could so she wouldnt burn us in the bath...! A job which proved completely futile without removing all of the furtniture before hand. I (dan) was left to this job as Jess was summoned into the other room to be taught how to make beds.. I felt sorry for little Jessie being sent into the other room with her, but she was on her own. All i could hear was Angela barking orders to her that she should

'USE YOUR THUMB NAIL TO FEEL THE ROUGH EDGE...NOO NOO NOO!!...NOT LIKE THAT...FEEL IT!! NO, DONT PAT THE BED!! WOOOOF IT!!!...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!!NOW YOU DONT HAVE TO MAKE THE NOISE,... BUT IT HELPS!!

hahahahA'' (nervous laugh)

Next came the most mental job of all... She asked us to look around the room..

''go on look.. now... where might dust collect??...''
Jess replied solemly.. "the ledges"

Right!! (we had amazingly guessed the correct answer to her cryptic clue!)

after hearing how much we were paying for our hostel, she invited us to stay with her...an offer which left us fearing for our lives. Now at this point you really do have to bear in mind that she is the owner of a guest house with a team of 6 employees. THere was no one else there. Not one other person, guest or otherwise, and when we asked about bookings, she had none. so while we hastily tried to find excuses about why we couldn't stay, (which didn't work as she offered to pick us and our stuff up)....'but angela, we have quite a big board bag, it probably won't fit in',

....''RIDICULOUS!!! HA! HAHA!! I HAVE A STATION WAGON DEAR!!!''
as the cider began to work into her bloodstream, the numerous swearwords began. we were then bundled into the bathroom where she ripped off two pieces of toilet paper, moistened one of them, ''NO, DAMN!!! THATS TOO WET! ill get another'', then handed us one of them to wipe round the bath...

''NOW THIS ISN'T JUST HOME CLEAN, THIS IS B&B CLEAN!!!'' ...well thats good to know, since all she used to clean was a wet piece of toilet paper... Jess was then asked to wipe around the toilet with damp tissue.. As she would not be able to find any dirt..Jessica did as she was asked and to both our disgust managed to collect a sample of yellow gunk! she shouted through to us "Did you find anyhting?" "Nooo haha, just a little"

''WELL ITS GOOD THAT YOU DID THAT THEN, ITS GOOD THAT YOU FOUND IT!!'' At this point i again checked for the easiest way to exit if she came at us with a rusty axe. THis was to throw myself through the window so that jess could follow. we then had to make various other beds while being barked strange orders at..

''DAN DO NOT CLIMB ON THE BED''...''ARRRGH YOU FORGOT THIS FEATHER!!! GONE!!!''.... ''DO NOT PAT THE BED!!'' (there was fear in jess' eyes as she forgot for the second time that she could not touch the bed she was making)

This maticulous mental lady gave us more orders about how things shouldnt be done the way we were doing them, and explained to us how when a guest comes it should look and feel special for them. THis cming from the same mentalist who puts plastic crates under the end of the bed where the pillows are to make it appear longer!! "ITS FOR PEOPLE WHO EAT TOO MUCH PROTEIN!" HAHAHAHAHA! ordered then to the basement again ( :( ), we had to make another bed, each scrabbling away at the cases to try and get more work done than the other, so she wouldn't get angry or stabby. oh dear though, dan climbed onto the bed again. 'NO!!!' we were then shown the log fire, and each given a piece of newspaper to screw up ourselves, ''not too tight, no..NO!!!.. now thats too loose!..itll do anyway..'' she then explained to us about how fire and wood worked and that we shouldnt drop the kindling onto the fire otherwise it wont burn properly...so she began balancing bits of wood on the fire to show us all about it. she then ordered us to sit on the floor and look at the fire, which we did without question! Which then again turned out to be one of her clever tricks, an excellent way to see under the fire place!! After this we had the job of learning how the intricate door mecanism works on the front of the fire. After we had mastered the open and shut cleverness, (attempting it twice each) she finally proclaimed.. "RIGHT, WELL I GET THE FEELING THATS ENOUGH FOR TODAY!" Thank god, there was a chance of us making it out of there. We wondered over to the stiars where the cats were and of course, getting away couldnt be that easy. She then went through some kind of voodoo ritual with one of the cats ' Karrrrrrrrrrma' saying

'WHO WANTS LOVE ON THE STAIRS?!"

and said it over and over and over again. as the cat rolled around on each step then moved up one as it was stroked. Completely crackers! Once again i would like to remind you that to explain just how crazy this witch is you would have to meet her. in england she would have been committed long ago. perhaps thats why she moved away. who can say? we were rewarded for our two hours work with a toffee, which dan threw in the snow on the way home. this was our training, but next time we will get money FOR SURE!! We were then asked to return tomorrow to move in, we had escaped..

Day 5 After eating lots of subway, we decided to look for a place to live and we have two viewings later on today hopefully :) we also activated the phone so our number is: 250-512-1877also have a bank account appointment for tomorrow and then hopefully will start snowboarding very soon!! going to put some pictures on facebook now, before the library closes!

Speak soon, Dan and Jess xxx